They just aren't the same when they come back.
I have seen military dating sites full of women who create profiles to meet a service member, I have heard the term "tag chaser" used many times and I have seen women go crazy and fall for a man when they find out he is in the service. What on earth, would cause a woman to fall for the UNIFORM? I often wonder if they know that what they think comes with the uniform is not as glamorous as it is made out to be.
Life can be pretty good when it first starts off. The "honeymoon" phase in any relationship is always the best part. There is always so much love, laughing and excitement.
When you find that special someone you never want to let them go. When you do it right and fall in love with the man in the uniform life is just amazing.
Looking back at the happy times brings tears to my eyes, I'm sure there are many of you who can relate and understand what I mean.
We had so much fun, alone, with family and out with friends.
It seems to always happen when you least expect it.
Duty calls and they have to leave. I think we all experience the same or similar feelings when we watch our partner leave. Whether you are married or dating it is always hard. The questions that are running through your mind, that heavy but empty feeling you have in your stomach. The lump in your throat that will not go away, the tears in your eyes that have not yet started running down your face and are making it hard to capture that last image of them before they leave you for months.
You put on a smile, even though it is faint and hard to do. You know that they are already under so much pressure and stress. You don't want to add to it, you want them to think you can handle it, even though you just want to cry and fall to the ground.
You hear people say "it gets easier" but in reality you just get stronger.
When you are able to talk to them often, it seems to help make the deployments go by faster. It's almost like they are still here..still somewhere near by and not in a whole different country in a dangerous place.
The moment we see them again, I think we all know that there is something different. You can see it on their face and hear it in their voice.
They are home, they are back, but something was lost..not even lost but TAKEN. Nights are no longer romantic, quiet and enjoyable. They are now frightening filled with nightmares, sleep talking and sometimes even violence. Their spirits are broken and tainted with whatever it is they saw and experienced.
They are gone, sometimes they will never come back.
Life is not what is was before. You might still smile, laugh and continue to share good times together. That is only what it looks like to others and on the outside. Behind closed doors, and what we feel and what they feel are no longer the same. There are angry outbursts, irrational thinking and decisions, anxiety attacks when you go out and try to do something simple. They tend to space out, sometimes if you want to spend time with them, they will push you away and would rather spend time with their buddies. Or they can be the opposite and only seek your attention, only NEED YOUR attention and love.
It's hard to not feel alone when they return. You sometimes feel discouraged and let down, we waited so long to have them back with us and now life is so hard. I have found that the life I live now is harder than I thought it would be. In a way I feel like I am on my own, even though I have my husband with me. He can no longer handle some situations, he cannot think clearly especially when under stress and he loses his temper fast. He does his best, he really does, and often times he is left feeling helpless and angry with himself. He has told me that there are times when he feels like a terrible father or husband, when we both know that, that is not at all true.
It has taken me a few years to realize that I have to be patient and caring towards him. It is tiring and believe it or not hard to do. There are days when I think I will break, when I feel I cannot be strong. I snap, I yell and I lose all the patience I have.
As time has gone by, we have grown so much in many ways. Nick has came a very long way since his return from his first deployment almost 3 years ago. I am so proud of him AND myself. We go to couples counseling, which helps a lot, we also give each other much needed "me" time. He has "guy nights" and I have "girl nights". We are active as a family and do everything that we can, when we can! We focus on making more happy memories to look back on.
Nick has developed a routine, and I have noticed that he is a much easier and happier person to deal with when there is a plan in order and everything is organized. This wasn't hard for me to do, I am naturally a clean and organized person! Dinner is always ready for him the second he walks in the door, the house is always clean to avoid any unnecessary stress, our home is bright and open. There are positive elements every where you look. I have photo albums and pictures everywhere to always remind us both of the amazing life we have.
Most importantly we surround ourselves with loving and supportive people. Life is so much better when it is filled with positivity!
I have seen, read and heard about how many relationships, marriages and families fall apart after deployments. I truly believe that people give up too soon and too easily. Life after a deployment is challenging and scary. There is work that needs to be done on BOTH parts, not just the service member but YOU.
It takes strong and understanding couples to pull through tough times, and live a good and happy life together. Never forget the first time you met, the first kiss you shared and the love that sparked between the two of you. The person you fell in love with is still there, the person you married is still there. You just have to help them find their way back.
Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas Georgi
EST. Oct. 2009
